Tic Tac Toe
August 07, 2008 - 12:53PM
Tic tac toe, mind how you go, watch for the boogie man grabbing your toe.
This chant kept running through her mind as she and her cousin ran through the streets from her Nana's house, down the hill into the street where she lived. Same old story, bang on the door and her Mum lets them in. They climb into cold beds and the next morning life goes on as normal.
It was just another night away from home, asleep in bed at their nana's house when their uncle had come home drunk again. This of course was not the first time this had happened so she doesn't remember if it was one of the times when the uncle's latest girlfriend was in tow or whether he was alone. The pattern was always the same, first the argument, then the raised voices, usually his and granddads, then nana scurrying into the bedroom whispering, "come on you girls get your dressing gowns on and run home to your mother, hurry now". Funny, but she doesn't recall being frightened during the times this happened and doesn't remember how many times there were all together. It was enough that it happened and was just part of growing up. Her sister was with her some of the time and she also recalls her cousin with her on others. She has since been told that her grandfather would now and again have had a black eye as a result of some of the arguments.
Could things get worse as she grew up, did this foretell the future for her behaviour? She certainly wondered whether the fact that she would do almost anything for the sake of peace and quiet as she grew up was a result of these childhood experiences.
It was, for all that, perceived as a happy childhood with the good times seemingly out-weighing the bad. They lived in a small village by the sea and when not at school she was always at friend's places playing, swimming at the beach when the tide was right or beachcombing when it was out. There were a lot of beaches close to each other around the coast and it was possible to walk around the rocks from beach to beach when the tide was right out. Sun, sand, sea and in summer the pohutukawas lined the streets and the reserve where she played.
During winter, walking home from school on rainy days with the water rushing down the gutters, she loved sloshing through the icy cold water. She knows she wore shoes to school but couldn't wait to take them off as soon as she could. The house in the winter was quite dark when she was inside, the houses in the village being built quite close together in those days.
Not a lot of light came through the windows as they were not big picture windows like the modern houses have today. Her mother would be at work and if her sister was home they often played dressing up. Their mothers wardrobe had some beautiful dresses that they would use, the girl would always be the slave girl to the princess sister or the equivalent lesser mortal depending on who the characters were at the time. If she were on her own in the house she would curl up in the big soft chair and spend hours with her best friends- her books. Lost in a world of words and characters, these were her happiest times.
She remembers in the days when her parents still slept together how she used to lean against the double bed as her mother would brush her hair and put it into ‘pig tails'. First two plaits were made then the ribbon tied onto the bottom and folded under to double the plait, then tied in a bow.
So when did it happen that she found herself sleeping in that same front room with her mother? Gone was the double bed, instead there were two single beds with a dressing table in-between.
Her brother had a room to himself across the hall and her sister shared the twin bedded back room with their father. Their father was rarely seen during the week as he worked a lot of overtime and came home until very late to put his tired head down on his pillow and sleep until morning when it was time for work again. The girl would sometimes wake at night when he crept into her room, coming home from working overtime; her mother would be out socialising on those occasions. He would move the cat off her bed because he worried about fleas, tuck her in and sometimes if he had bought some rocky road chocolate home he would give her and her sister a piece. She loved those nights, as her father wasn't around a lot during the week to see the children. He would then creep out as quietly as he had come in and go to his own lonely bed in the back bedroom careful not to awaken the other daughter.
At Christmas there were always good times, they would go to the Nanas place for a traditional lunch and afterwards the men would play ‘throw the penny' while the woman typically, would help clean up and do the dishes. All the uncles and aunts with their children were there too and lots of presents exchanged. Little did the girl know that she would soon be living in this very same house that belonged to her grandparent's and it would be with her brother, sister and mother only.
Was it when the arguments started that she became scared to go to bed at night? The bedroom door was always shut after she got into bed, which she hated. She always took the winter coat that hung on a hanger in front of the wardrobe, no built-in wardrobes in those days, and hung it around the side so she couldn't see it.
It always seemed to feel in the dark as if someone was in the room with her. She also couldn't put her arms out of the bedclothes in case something grabbed her and it was only when it rained that she felt safe and could uncover her arms. That she could do it even when the scrim and wallpaper was blowing in and out when it was windy still surprises her to think about it now. Soon the bed-wetting started and she was, she thought, about 9 at that stage. She would wake her mother up, who of course slept in the same room, and to be told to just pull her covers up over the wet sheet and it would be seen to in the morning. This she would do as it alleviated the immediate problem and she was able to go back to sleep until morning. The next night her bed was always good to get into as the mother had changed it for her like she said she would.
If her mother were going out in the evening the girl would watch the make-up ritual begin. She especially liked it when her mother would spit into the mascara box and rub the brush in to put the black stuff on and apply it to her eyelashes. Sometimes her mother would get a razor and run it over her eyebrows (or so it looked to the girl) to tidy them up. One night after her mother had gone out she got out of bed and in the dark, ran the razor over her eyebrows just as she'd seen her mother do and went back to bed. When she got up in the morning to get ready for school she was horrified to discover she had four eyebrows! She had applied too much pressure to the brow bone and shaved the hair completely in the middle. Her mother saved the day and used her mascara, and more spit, to fill in the gaps and off she went to school. Eventually her eyebrows grew back of course.
Her most vivid memories of her father, apart from his checking on them after work at night was winter night fire lighting. It was always lovely to have the fire going especially after Sunday night bath. The bath water was run and baths were had in seniority in those days. She can't remember if the parents had a bath on Sunday night or not however she remembers she and her sister shared the last bath after their brother and then would run into the lounge wrapped in towels to get into their pyjamas by the fire. Their father would always light the fire and to get it going properly he would hold a newspaper over the fireplace to make the fire draw. Once the girl remembers the paper catching fire and watching her father quickly throw the burning paper into the fireplace out of danger. Sunday was his only day off and he would go to the club for a while to spend time with his mates. The only other really clear memory she has of him is him sitting on the back steps mending shoes on a shoe last or cutting the back lawn with a scythe.
The afternoon picture sessions on a Saturday were a regular outing for the children where they were lucky enough to have two theatres in the shopping centre. One particular weekend the brother and two sisters were sent to the pictures three times in one day so that they were kept out of the house, they were not to know why they kept getting sent out of the house to the next picture session after they had just got home from the last one.
Then the arguments started at night, waking her from her sleep and she would lie in bed listening. She never thought about her siblings, especially her sister who slept in the room closest to where their parents were arguing and who must have been able to hear it more loudly. Years later she realised why her sister kept rolling her head from side to side on the pillow in order to get off to sleep and still did for years and years. One night it got too much for the girl and not thinking about what she was doing she jumped out of bed, ran into the lounge shouting at them to shut up, shut up, shut up!! She ran back to bed as quickly as she had run out because it suddenly hit her that she was more worried at having been rude to her parents and would now get into trouble.
She suspects that the time frame from that night until the NEWS was not that long because she came home from school one day to have her mother say " we are going to move out of this house but your father will be staying here and not living with us".
She ran out of the house and stood in-between the gate posts (there never was a gate) standing on one leg swinging to and fro pretending she didn't care, while the tears just flowed down her cheeks. Not long after that the day came when she was told she was to go straight to her grandmother's house after school, as this was to be their new home. On arrival the girl found that all their furniture had been moved from the old house and that her grandparents had moved to another house in the city to live. The saving grace was that she, her sister and brother were able to stay at the same school; their nana's house was in the same village as their old house so at least they were in familiar surroundings for after school playing, their friends and the beaches.
The old grey cat, which used to sleep on her bed in the other house, also came with them, and not long after that he died.
- Written by Female Caucasian aged 60 in 2008
PS
The girl in this story grew up, married young and has been married for over 40 years. She has two wonderful children and two fabulous grandsons.
Life has definitely not been perfect but she survived and some of the things of her childhood were lessons to learn and grow from. She has accepted that her parents did the best they could with the skills they themselves were given and no doubt had regrets and wishes for the things they would have done differently.
This chant kept running through her mind as she and her cousin ran through the streets from her Nana's house, down the hill into the street where she lived. Same old story, bang on the door and her Mum lets them in. They climb into cold beds and the next morning life goes on as normal.
It was just another night away from home, asleep in bed at their nana's house when their uncle had come home drunk again. This of course was not the first time this had happened so she doesn't remember if it was one of the times when the uncle's latest girlfriend was in tow or whether he was alone. The pattern was always the same, first the argument, then the raised voices, usually his and granddads, then nana scurrying into the bedroom whispering, "come on you girls get your dressing gowns on and run home to your mother, hurry now". Funny, but she doesn't recall being frightened during the times this happened and doesn't remember how many times there were all together. It was enough that it happened and was just part of growing up. Her sister was with her some of the time and she also recalls her cousin with her on others. She has since been told that her grandfather would now and again have had a black eye as a result of some of the arguments.
Could things get worse as she grew up, did this foretell the future for her behaviour? She certainly wondered whether the fact that she would do almost anything for the sake of peace and quiet as she grew up was a result of these childhood experiences.
It was, for all that, perceived as a happy childhood with the good times seemingly out-weighing the bad. They lived in a small village by the sea and when not at school she was always at friend's places playing, swimming at the beach when the tide was right or beachcombing when it was out. There were a lot of beaches close to each other around the coast and it was possible to walk around the rocks from beach to beach when the tide was right out. Sun, sand, sea and in summer the pohutukawas lined the streets and the reserve where she played.
During winter, walking home from school on rainy days with the water rushing down the gutters, she loved sloshing through the icy cold water. She knows she wore shoes to school but couldn't wait to take them off as soon as she could. The house in the winter was quite dark when she was inside, the houses in the village being built quite close together in those days.
Not a lot of light came through the windows as they were not big picture windows like the modern houses have today. Her mother would be at work and if her sister was home they often played dressing up. Their mothers wardrobe had some beautiful dresses that they would use, the girl would always be the slave girl to the princess sister or the equivalent lesser mortal depending on who the characters were at the time. If she were on her own in the house she would curl up in the big soft chair and spend hours with her best friends- her books. Lost in a world of words and characters, these were her happiest times.
She remembers in the days when her parents still slept together how she used to lean against the double bed as her mother would brush her hair and put it into ‘pig tails'. First two plaits were made then the ribbon tied onto the bottom and folded under to double the plait, then tied in a bow.
So when did it happen that she found herself sleeping in that same front room with her mother? Gone was the double bed, instead there were two single beds with a dressing table in-between.
Her brother had a room to himself across the hall and her sister shared the twin bedded back room with their father. Their father was rarely seen during the week as he worked a lot of overtime and came home until very late to put his tired head down on his pillow and sleep until morning when it was time for work again. The girl would sometimes wake at night when he crept into her room, coming home from working overtime; her mother would be out socialising on those occasions. He would move the cat off her bed because he worried about fleas, tuck her in and sometimes if he had bought some rocky road chocolate home he would give her and her sister a piece. She loved those nights, as her father wasn't around a lot during the week to see the children. He would then creep out as quietly as he had come in and go to his own lonely bed in the back bedroom careful not to awaken the other daughter.
At Christmas there were always good times, they would go to the Nanas place for a traditional lunch and afterwards the men would play ‘throw the penny' while the woman typically, would help clean up and do the dishes. All the uncles and aunts with their children were there too and lots of presents exchanged. Little did the girl know that she would soon be living in this very same house that belonged to her grandparent's and it would be with her brother, sister and mother only.
Was it when the arguments started that she became scared to go to bed at night? The bedroom door was always shut after she got into bed, which she hated. She always took the winter coat that hung on a hanger in front of the wardrobe, no built-in wardrobes in those days, and hung it around the side so she couldn't see it.
It always seemed to feel in the dark as if someone was in the room with her. She also couldn't put her arms out of the bedclothes in case something grabbed her and it was only when it rained that she felt safe and could uncover her arms. That she could do it even when the scrim and wallpaper was blowing in and out when it was windy still surprises her to think about it now. Soon the bed-wetting started and she was, she thought, about 9 at that stage. She would wake her mother up, who of course slept in the same room, and to be told to just pull her covers up over the wet sheet and it would be seen to in the morning. This she would do as it alleviated the immediate problem and she was able to go back to sleep until morning. The next night her bed was always good to get into as the mother had changed it for her like she said she would.
If her mother were going out in the evening the girl would watch the make-up ritual begin. She especially liked it when her mother would spit into the mascara box and rub the brush in to put the black stuff on and apply it to her eyelashes. Sometimes her mother would get a razor and run it over her eyebrows (or so it looked to the girl) to tidy them up. One night after her mother had gone out she got out of bed and in the dark, ran the razor over her eyebrows just as she'd seen her mother do and went back to bed. When she got up in the morning to get ready for school she was horrified to discover she had four eyebrows! She had applied too much pressure to the brow bone and shaved the hair completely in the middle. Her mother saved the day and used her mascara, and more spit, to fill in the gaps and off she went to school. Eventually her eyebrows grew back of course.
Her most vivid memories of her father, apart from his checking on them after work at night was winter night fire lighting. It was always lovely to have the fire going especially after Sunday night bath. The bath water was run and baths were had in seniority in those days. She can't remember if the parents had a bath on Sunday night or not however she remembers she and her sister shared the last bath after their brother and then would run into the lounge wrapped in towels to get into their pyjamas by the fire. Their father would always light the fire and to get it going properly he would hold a newspaper over the fireplace to make the fire draw. Once the girl remembers the paper catching fire and watching her father quickly throw the burning paper into the fireplace out of danger. Sunday was his only day off and he would go to the club for a while to spend time with his mates. The only other really clear memory she has of him is him sitting on the back steps mending shoes on a shoe last or cutting the back lawn with a scythe.
The afternoon picture sessions on a Saturday were a regular outing for the children where they were lucky enough to have two theatres in the shopping centre. One particular weekend the brother and two sisters were sent to the pictures three times in one day so that they were kept out of the house, they were not to know why they kept getting sent out of the house to the next picture session after they had just got home from the last one.
Then the arguments started at night, waking her from her sleep and she would lie in bed listening. She never thought about her siblings, especially her sister who slept in the room closest to where their parents were arguing and who must have been able to hear it more loudly. Years later she realised why her sister kept rolling her head from side to side on the pillow in order to get off to sleep and still did for years and years. One night it got too much for the girl and not thinking about what she was doing she jumped out of bed, ran into the lounge shouting at them to shut up, shut up, shut up!! She ran back to bed as quickly as she had run out because it suddenly hit her that she was more worried at having been rude to her parents and would now get into trouble.
She suspects that the time frame from that night until the NEWS was not that long because she came home from school one day to have her mother say " we are going to move out of this house but your father will be staying here and not living with us".
She ran out of the house and stood in-between the gate posts (there never was a gate) standing on one leg swinging to and fro pretending she didn't care, while the tears just flowed down her cheeks. Not long after that the day came when she was told she was to go straight to her grandmother's house after school, as this was to be their new home. On arrival the girl found that all their furniture had been moved from the old house and that her grandparents had moved to another house in the city to live. The saving grace was that she, her sister and brother were able to stay at the same school; their nana's house was in the same village as their old house so at least they were in familiar surroundings for after school playing, their friends and the beaches.
The old grey cat, which used to sleep on her bed in the other house, also came with them, and not long after that he died.
- Written by Female Caucasian aged 60 in 2008
PS
The girl in this story grew up, married young and has been married for over 40 years. She has two wonderful children and two fabulous grandsons.
Life has definitely not been perfect but she survived and some of the things of her childhood were lessons to learn and grow from. She has accepted that her parents did the best they could with the skills they themselves were given and no doubt had regrets and wishes for the things they would have done differently.
