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Sexual Problems and Counselling

Getting help or counselling for sexual problems in a relationship or marriage can be difficult for many couples.
 
Allan's experience and training in counselling couples and relationship coaching provides a resource for those in the Waikato and Bay of Plenty to access the help they need with sexual problems in their relationship through his counselling practice in Matamata. Those outside the Waikato area or anyone for whom privacy is very important can be accommodated through the retreat option. Our Exclusive Retreats enable couples to attend counselling for sexual problems for either a full day, or they can stay for several days and combine getting help with enjoying the attractions of Matamata, Tauranga or Rotorua.

While some sexual problems have their source in the physical realm and need to be addressed medically, many have their origin in the individual's relationship either with others or with themselves. Counselling for sexual problems can help identify the factors contributing to the problem and offer strategies to release a couple into the fun, intimacy and health benefits that a good sexual relationship can provide.

Sexual problems within a relationship can be the source of immense frustration to both parties and will impact most relationships at some stage. They are often accompanied by blame, guilt, shame, (see articles) and secrecy. Sadly, few people seek help or counselling for sexual problems resulting in marriages and relationships that, to all outward appearances are fine, but behind closed doors are leaving people feeling empty, unfulfilled and feeling like failures.

For men, they can be a success in every other part of their life but if they know that their wife or partner is not sexually fulfilled, then they often feel that they are a failure.

Conversely, for a woman, particularly Christian women, there are massive emotional implications for them when they find themselves unable to respond sexually to their husband.  They often are labelled either by themselves or their partners as frigid or cold.  For many, this creates an internal dilemma because while to outward appearances that might seem the case, they are also aware that in their thought life, the opposite is true and can find they sexually respond to other people or situations which they consider to be inappropriate.

It would appear that in the area of sexuality, the belief exists that "if I love the other person then the sex should just happen" and will be an amazing earth-shattering experience.  While that may happen in the movies and romance novels this may not be the reality for many because there are other factors involved.

Common sexual problems that can be addressed in counselling:

Relationship Dynamics
Dynamics in other parts of the current relationship play a significant part in the sexual relationship. Issues of trust, pressure to have sex, lack of time together, tiredness, obligation and an unequal balance of power will all impact on sexual desire.  If a woman consistently feels that she is expected to be more like a mother than a wife, then it is likely that her libido will eventually depart because sex is not a parent-child concept.  Conversely if a man thinks that he always has to take care of his wife in a father role or that she is continually speaking to him as if he was a child, then he will eventually find it hard to respond sexually to her.  Many sexual problems blamed on other factors can be traced to issues in this area.

Lack of Knowledge
Cultural attitudes of not talking about sexuality have resulted in many people entering adult relationships with having little accurate information about the differences between male and female sexual response.  While many schools include some education in the physiology of sex, rarely are young adults educated on the emotional factors and implications.  When combined with parental reluctance to talk openly it is not surprising that so many sexual problems occur.  So often in the counselling room, the statement "they just don't get it" can be heard in tones of frustration.  Gaining understanding during counselling for sexual problems can result in amazing changes for both partners.

Childhood Experiences
Another common contributor to sexual problems in individuals is the ongoing effects of childhood or adolescent experiences.  Where a young person's sexuality has been awoken prematurely before the mental and emotional maturity to process and make sense of the experiences has developed then there is often ongoing issues with sex.  A lack of non-sexual touch and affection from the opposite sex or negative attitudes towards the opposite sex again will have an impact as an adult.  Trauma related to previous sexual experiences can also seriously affect sexual response.

Talking with a counsellor who is relaxed and informed is the first step to restoring the sexual experience to one which is healthy and fulfilling to both partners.   Counselling can identify those sexual problems which need to be referred for specialist help and provide the contacts in speciality fields.

Allan's counselling style is very gentle, down to earth and practical with a strong emphasis on education. He helps people to make sense of the situation that they are in and offers strategies for moving forward (Find out more)

Don't be one of the many who have said "if only we had got help earlier we would not have wasted all those years." Life is too short to waste it living in guilt shame and frustration. For more information please contact us.

 
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Kiwisense Ltd | P 07 888 2722 | M 021 712 115 | E info@kiwisense.co.nz
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